Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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