If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ugly people sure do ruin things
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
bring money and cleavage
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
