he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
