can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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