I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
