apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I didn't notice because vodka
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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