You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
