I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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