so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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