The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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