My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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