3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
