I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
