my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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