Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
