Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
