God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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