maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
