the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We got so high we made milksteak
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
