Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
