Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
