He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize