My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
that's an acceptable place to lick
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
