I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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