last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you would pick up someone in the library
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
did you just send me my own nude
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
