...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
