wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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