it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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