Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
