i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I currently don't understand fingers.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
