No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
