final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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