I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
