Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
