Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
