Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
