Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
