These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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