I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
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That's how twitter works, right?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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