Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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