when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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