Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
