My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
