i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
