You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
