keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
