All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
