please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I won the penis lottery.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Panties = found
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