Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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