My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
another moral hangover. fuck.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
