Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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