It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
where does the pee come out of this thing
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
