i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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