I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
