I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
