That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
