i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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